“What do you want to be when you grow up?”
Hard question…? When youre asked this particular question as a child, usually a question asked by adults, where does one begin when answering such a question. “What do you want to be when you grow up?” is in some ways as laborious a question as the meaning of life.
Most kids don’t know the actual answer.. Probably because they don’t necessarily understand the question. 9 times out of 10 the answer is “I want to be an Astronaut, or firefighter, or policeman, or pilot” These bourgeois answers are so commonly used because, as a child, real life heroes can be apprised of by simply walking out the front door. So, you see a firefighter, with all of his gear and think “wow, he’s a real hero, i want to be that when i grow up”
When I was a child I never once wanted to be anything other than a film producer. Why a producer and not a director, you ask? Fuck you, thats why.
When I was growing up I was absolutely fucking obsessed with Back to the Future.. Obviously the 2nd one (considering my age) was slightly more relevant. The first was released the year I was born.
I remember asking “Who made this movie?” “Who made this fuckin awesome shit kicker of a movie?” (my exact words at 5, im sure) I remember the answer going something like this “The jew that did ET.” Which… haha.. was, thinking back, a pretty stupid answer. Considering that, at the time the sequel to Back to the Future came out, Spielberg had already won his share of oscars and had already eye fucked america with the glory that was Raiders of the Lost Ark. Not too mention. Spielberg didn’t even fucking direct Back to the Future. He was, what is now commonly referred to as a JFK. (I doubt even google could help you with that one) No, BttF, was infact, a Robert Zemeckis helmed vehicle. Though to this day, if you asked 50 people, im sure about 46 of them would tell you its a spielberg film.
So again why would I rather be the snarky jew behind the scenes?
Well, for one…. Spielberg made… and still makes… Billions off Back to the Future, controlling over 75% of all creative interest in the films. Any merchandising or re-releases are released and marketed through his Amblin entertainment. While Zemeckis has still had a very successful career to date, it sure begs the question of whether or not Zemeckis’ own Image Movers would have been doomed for bankruptcy or not, had he had the financial backing of spielberg.. Keep in mind we’re talking about a movie that is its own billion dollar empire, a fucking legendary trilogy, Back to the future is the 2nd most successful film franchise of all time, 2nd only to Star Wars. Yet the man behind the plan, still to this day isn’t getting royalties on the films, not like the films JFK Receives anyhow.
So, when I learned that, in hollywood, the real creative control, what goes, what stays, everything that goes down, casting, costumes fuck… EVERYTHING has to be greenlit by the producer before the director can even touch the property… I said to myself. “I want to be a big Jew Producer, a JFK.. Just like Spielberg, just like George Lucas.”
Though now that I am grown up. I don’t make films, I dont direct them or produce them.. I would still love to….. BUT the biggest thing with having aspirations like being a producer is that nobody really tells you what goes into being a producer. There are BIG fucking producers out there like, Sidney Pollock (RIP), Anthony Minghella (RIP), Don Simpson (RIP) Haha.. that are all dead… no no.. ironically enough these 3 power house JFK’s are all dead… But what about guys like Jerry Bruckheimer or Aaron Spelling or even Ivan Reitman for that matter… Who produced the Ghostbusters series… Guys like this. Guys that had little to nothing to do with actually directing the actors or shooting the film in every aspect should be commended.. or the film as a whole more so than that of the director. Take a look at last years Avatar for instance. James Cameron stated that he ended up putting close to 200 million of his own money into avatar. Well thats all well and good but where did the other 400 million come from to make the movie…. Key investors… Those key investors are the team that usually make up the production aspect of a film. So… Yes we can all suck the amazing god like dick of James Cameron until the day he dies… But there would be no Avatar, there would be no Ghostbusters, no Back to the Future, no Star Wars.. no.. anything if it weren’t for these producers putting up the cash and investing themselves into the film.
Now with that said… Nobody ever told me what it takes to be a producer… and ill tell you what it takes.. from scratch? It takes a film like Paranormal Activity… Or Juno… You invest sure, as a producer, as a distributor, you invest in the film.. Producers investments on Paranormal Activity totalled 11,000 dollars. With a return of over 250 million in worldwide ticket sales and DVD Sales… Same with Juno… Juno was more expensive but with an investment of a million bucks… 2 oscars and 300 million came out of it.. not too mention the amount of juno tube socks and soundtracks that were sold.
Now if you want to just start producing movies.. You’ve gotta have the big fucking balls and the big fucking cash… Don Simpson.. A fucking legend… Teamed with Jerry Bruckheimer and Michael Bay to make some of the BIGGEST fucking movies you’ve ever seen… Well.. How did Don and Jerry have the money at the beginning of their careers to make films like Top Gun and Beverly Hills Cop…. Well it’s because they were both self made millionaires… In real estate…. Who had a fond love for movies… and there you go…
I still want to produce movies.. I love fucking movies… I really do… I feel like this has gone on long enough and what im truly getting at here is, WHY THE FUCK can’t I keep my blog updated… It’s been such a passion in my own mind my entire life… yet for some reason I can’t seem to update this thing for the life of me lately… I still watch, on average 10 to 20 movies a week… So… Now that i’ve some what explained that my love for movies stems from deep seeded envy for Jews…. and the need and want to be able to make a movie as fucking awesome as Back to the Future… What im getting at is, out of those 20 movies… I will try and do at least 3 a week.. share my insights.. if any.. on more things that Im watching.. not because I care if you read them… Not because I care that theyre anywhere doing anything… my thoughts and my insights couldn’t possibly be more irrelevant to your life… But… Im 26… and Im not a producer… so the least I could do is show my love for cinema… somehow … someway…. Through my MLOG….